Passing Time Page 10

  “You need to sleep. I know you’ve found things difficult these past few days. I’ve heard you at night, pacing the living room, muttering to your—”

  To yourself he’d been about to say. Louis did most of his muttering to a dead man, but it wasn’t grief that sent him from his bed every night. At least, not grief alone. This time tomorrow he’d be sleeping alone, and the thought opened a big yawning space in his gut. He’d arrived with it. He’d leave with it. He hadn’t come here expecting anything to change.

  “Lie down with me.” Jake took his hand and led the way into the bedroom.

  They slipped into bed together, and Louis rested his head on Jake’s chest. A steady heartbeat thudded beneath his cheek and lulled him to sleep.

  When Louis next opened his eyes, early-morning light pierced the gaps in the blinds and dappled the bed with gold. He rolled over and reached for a cuddle. His arm closed over nothing; his hand dropped to the cool sheet. Jake’s side of the bed lay empty.

  Chapter Nine

  Louis listened for Jake beyond the closed door. The air remained still and silent as a morgue. He’d get used to that soon enough, but not yet. He wasn’t ready.

  After rising, Louis stepped into last night’s jeans and made his way into the en suite. The first thing he noticed, or rather failed to notice, was Jake’s aftershave. The squat little bottle usually sat on the shelf under the bathroom cabinet along with his toothbrush in a glass, right next to Louis’s. The toothbrush was missing as well, but he soon located that in the little bin by the sink. There was no way the brush had dropped in there by accident. What was Jake playing at? Had he started packing already? He would need a while to get his things together. His bits and pieces littered the rooms like confetti. Louis didn’t mind so much, because it made the place look lived in. Now there were only his few toiletries in the bathroom again. He didn’t wear aftershave or hair gel or any of the paraphernalia Jake fetched over from home. All gone. He was left with a single toothbrush, toothpaste, and a small cake of soap.

  He wondered if Jake had also taken away the clothing he kept in a drawer Louis had cleared for him in the dresser. He checked. Cleared out. Maybe Jake was on the couch in the lounge, bags packed, TV on, quietly waiting for Louis to wake so they could say their good-byes.

  The lounge was just as empty, the TV silent and blank. The dining room table had been cleared of last night’s feast, and only an ashtray and a pack of cigarettes remained.

  An empty bottle of wine stood on the drainer in the kitchen, the contents of which had probably gone down the sink. Perhaps Jake hadn’t trusted him not to down the lot when he woke alone.

  He took a seat at the dining table in numbed silence. A smoke ring drifted past.

  “Better this way,” Carter said from across the table. “No awkward good-byes. No sniveling wrecks. We wouldn’t want a repeat of last night, would we?”

  Louis gazed at the cigarettes before pushing them away.

  Carter tilted his head. “Shouldn’t you be making plans to fly us home? I’ve missed the old place. Once you get there, give sweet boy Lawrence a call. With an extra hundred and a blond wig, he may even answer to Jake.” He sounded conversational, but his words were loaded with ice.

  Louis shivered and turned his face away to the balcony doors. The weather looked warm beyond. Warm and pleasant in stark contrast to the chill this side of the glass. It was far, far too cold in here.

  “Louis,” Carter called as Louis stood and headed toward the bedroom. “You’ve no one but yourself to blame.”

  Louis slammed the door, climbed into bed, and pushed his nose into Jake’s cold pillow. If he hadn’t got out of bed, he could still pretend Jake was in the kitchen fixing breakfast from his limited repertoire of porridge or cornflakes. Louis enjoyed neither, but he would’ve eaten a dozen bowls of each in exchange for one more hour in Jake’s company.

  “Louis.”

  Louis opened his eyes to gentle fingers trailing down his back. He thought he might still be dreaming, although he couldn’t recall who or what the dream had been about.

  “Good morning.” Jake leaned over and kissed his cheek, breath minty with toothpaste. “Did you miss me?”

  Louis rolled over. “Where have you been?”

  “Shopping.” Jake sat on the bed and placed a tissue-wrapped rectangle down on Louis’s lap.

  Louis sat up, leaning against the headboard, the black leather cool against his back. “What’s this?”

  “Open it and find out.”

  He did so, tentatively parting the tissue layers until he located the gift beneath, a simple wooden photo frame. It wasn’t the sight of the frame that stole his breath when he turned it over, but the photograph behind the glass. Of himself and Carter. In Venice.

  “I took it out of the album this morning and went into town to find the perfect-sized frame. You like it?”

  Louis throat was so dry he could barely manage an “oh” by way of response.

  “Shit. You don’t. I knew this was a stupid idea. I’ll get rid of it.” He reached over to take the frame.

  “No.” Louis hugged it to his chest. “I like it very much.”

  “I can get you something else. If I’ve upset you, I—”

  “Jake, I’m not upset, and I’m keeping the frame.” When he was sure Jake wouldn’t try to take it from him, he set it facedown on the bedside table. “Now come here.” He grabbed Jake’s jacket lapels and hauled him forward for a kiss.

  “I’ve not got long,” he said against Louis’s lips. “I need to say good-bye to my parents.”

  “We’ve got time enough.” Louis pulled him down on the bed.

  Jake’s jeans and pants were soon around his knees. Louis sheathed his dick in latex, smothered his shaft in lube, and eased himself between the globes of Jake’s perfect ass. An ass that, up until a few minutes ago, he thought he’d never get to enjoy again. He wanted to savor the moment. So many hours had already been wasted, yet they had precious little more to enjoy. Louis pushed into Jake’s heat. He watched his cock penetrate the humid depths of Jake’s body, inch by tantalizing inch.

  Jake stiffened beneath him.

  “Sorry.” Louis pulled back a little.

  “No. Don’t be. I want this fast and hard.”

  “I thought you liked slow and easy.”

  “Not this time.” Jake pushed back against Louis’s cock. “Just fuck me.”

  Well. He could hardly decline such a request. Louis asserted himself, clutched Jake’s hips, and pushed in the rest of his length. The tight contours of Jake’s ass clenched around him, holding him rigid. He gripped Jake’s hips and punched into him with short sharp little thrusts. Louis worked to match the rhythm of the heartbeat racing in his ears. He closed his eyes and focused on the delicious friction tormenting the tender skin of his shaft as he pummeled Jake’s backside.

  Sweat prickled on his forehead, gathered in the ridge of his spine. His harsh rasping breaths were the only sounds he heard as he pounded Jake, chasing the wave of his orgasm until it reared up and completely overwhelmed him. His climax gushed the length of his shaft, flooded through his body, seeped from every pore, and turned his muscles to water. Gasping for breath, he slumped on top of Jake and rejoiced in the afterglow of his orgasm.

  “Did you come?” He nuzzled Jake’s ear.

  “Hmm, yes.”

  Louis feathered his lips across the vulnerable strip of skin at the base of Jake’s neck. “I might’ve got a little carried away. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be.” Jake snuggled deeper into the pillow so his next words became muffled. Sounded to Louis like he’d said, “You’re the best ever.”

  Louis assumed he’d misheard. Jake had probably said that was the best ever. The best sex they’d shared together. Louis’s head still buzzed with the rush. He lay awhile longer, catching his breath, waiting for his heart to slow, basking in the heat of the body beneath his own.

  When gentle snores rippled the air, Louis pressed his
lips to Jake’s ear. “You think I’m going to wake you?” he whispered. “You think I won’t just lie here on top of you with my dick in your ass all day?” He gave Jake a nudge with his hips.

  “Hmm.”

  “I thought I’d lost you.”

  “Not yet…”

  “When you went out this morning and I woke up alone, I… Jake? You listening to me?”

  No reply. Just a snuffling snort, and all was quiet again. Louis withdrew, dealt with the condom, and took his own gift from the bedside table. He set the box on the pillow, then went to the bathroom and fetched a warm, damp washcloth. He climbed back on the bed and delved between Jake’s thighs to clean the globs of lube from his skin. Jake dozed throughout.

  “Beautiful,” Carter said. He stood by the window, tilting his head as his languid gaze swept over the generous curve of Jake’s backside.

  Louis immediately climbed off the bed and dragged the sheet to Jake’s waist. “I thought I told you to stay out of the bedroom.”

  “Honey, I’m not touching. I’m looking. Although I’d love a little…” He reached out a pale hand toward Jake’s covered ass.

  “Outside.” Louis pointed at the door.

  “Excuse me?” Carter raised a delicate eyebrow.

  “Now.” Louis swung the door open and waited until Carter sauntered out before following and closing it on Jake and his picturesque backside.

  “What do you want?” Louis followed as far as the dining table, where Carter pulled out a chair and sat down.

  “A cigarette?” He sounded as though he hadn’t a care in the world. He didn’t, being dead, but the tone pissed Louis off anyway.

  He took a deep breath in through his nose and went to fetch his pack from his jacket pocket. “Cigarettes.” He slammed the box and lighter down on the table. “Now tell me, what’s with the voyeurism? You were the one who liked me to watch, remember?”

  Carter tipped back his head and exhaled a smoke ring. “Lovely.”

  “Well? You are here for a reason besides the cigarettes?”

  “I’m here because you want to talk,” Carter said to the sliding doors. “As always. Now take a seat. You’re making the room look untidy.”

  Louis grunted, pulled out a chair, and sat. He rested his elbows on the polished surface of the table.

  “Well?”

  “You tell him you’re in love with him yet?”

  “Why would I? I’m not.”

  Carter lifted his eyebrows.

  Louis decided there was no point trying to argue. Carter knew the truth all the same. “Whatever I feel,” he said carefully, “nothing changes with us.”

  “Oh, please.” Carter waved the words away. “Do not apologize for falling in love. If I were alive, I would’ve fallen for him myself.” He tapped his index fingers on the tabletop. “And made damn sure I was the meat in that sandwich.”

  “I’m a one-man guy, Carter. You know that.”

  “I do. Like I know I’m no longer the guy,” Carter said with a wistful sigh.

  Louis barely subdued a flush of anger. “You’ll always be that guy.”

  “Are you sure? You’ve not welcomed me with bells and banners recently.”

  “Can you blame me? You’ve looked at him. You’ve touched him. You tasted him.” Louis’s hands, resting on the table, clenched into fists. He forced himself to relax.

  “You’re jealous,” Carter said, nodding. “Because you’re in love.”

  Louis shook his head. “I care about him, but that’s not love.”

  “It’s a start.”

  “Maybe. If things were different.”

  Carter fixed him with a steady gaze. “So make them different.”

  “How? We live in different countries. Different continents. It’s an impossible situation.”

  “No, honey. You and I are the impossible situation.”

  Louis made himself look at Carter, at his clear eyes, his lips slightly parted where the filter of his cigarette sat between them. A perfect, living, breathing human being—except he wasn’t. Never would be again.

  “Remember how you felt when you woke up this morning and you were alone? Is that how you want to go on?”

  Louis raked his fingers through his hair. He already owned the past with Carter, and nothing would change should he choose to remain there. He’d always thought himself comfortable enough right where he was. Carter had loved him enough to remain with him even after death. Who else ever knew that kind of love? Could Jake ever feel that much love for Louis? Louis didn’t know. The only thing he did know for certain was that he couldn’t stay right here in the present. In the present he had neither man. He might as well not exist at all.

  “Well? Is the decision so difficult? Would you like to phone a friend? Oh no, that’s right—you don’t have any.”

  “No.”

  “Sorry?”

  “That’s my answer.” Louis raised his face to gaze into the depths of Carter’s gray eyes. “I don’t want to wake up alone. At least, not without knowing Jake is with me somewhere, even if we’re not physically together. I choose him, Cart. I mean, if there is a choice. He’s it.”

  “Finally.” Carter smiled. “All we have to do now is hope you’re his choice. He may turn you down flat. After all, he has a wealth of young, sweaty jocks to sample back at college.”

  Louis frowned. “I thought you were supposed to be encouraging me.”

  “I’m a realist, and Jake’s twenty-two. Remember us at twenty-two?”

  “I remember you at twenty-two.”

  “Precisely.”

  Louis managed a grin. “You think Jake and I have any kind of a chance?”

  “A ghost of one.” Carter smiled. “Perhaps.”

  Louis thought back to when he’d woken alone. How he’d missed Jake’s presence. His scent, his smile, even his chatter. Jake kept him warm at night, but somewhere along the line, their relationship had become precisely that. A relationship. Not love. Not quite yet.

  Chapter Ten

  Jake was still sleeping when Louis reentered the bedroom. He lay on his stomach, snoring lightly, the gift Louis had bought him still sitting on the pillow waiting to be unwrapped.

  Louis flipped back the sheet covering Jake’s ass. He leaned down, pursed his lips, and blew warm air into the cleft between Jake’s butt cheeks. Jake wriggled and groaned but still didn’t wake, so Louis leaned in farther until his lips closed on firm flesh. He kissed and wetted the area, sucked a circle of skin into his mouth, and bit down.

  Jake tensed. His head snapped up, and he gazed back at Louis with wide, bleary eyes. “Did you just bite my arse?” He sounded as though he didn’t quite believe his own words, much less Louis’s actions.

  “You fell asleep.” Louis kissed the pink circle he’d left behind.

  “Nice way to wake me.” Jake moved a hand down to give his ass cheek a rub. He stopped when he spotted the gift-wrapped box next to him on the pillow. “What’s that?”

  “My present to you.”

  “You got me a present?” Jake practically squealed with delight as he rolled over and quickly pulled up his pants. Excitement sparkled in his eyes as he carefully peeled back the silver paper. Louis had the store do the gift wrapping. He figured they’d manage a more professional job.

  The box beneath was dark green. A tiny golden crown decorated the center of the front edge. Jake opened the box and stared at the contents for an endless amount of time before daring to reach in with a single finger.

  “Is it genuine?” he asked, almost as if he were afraid of the answer. “A real Rolex?”

  “Real enough.” Louis had selected the watch purely because the color of the face reminded him of Jake’s eyes: porcelain blue. Comparing the shades now, Louis decided he’d got a near-on perfect match. Right before the case snapped shut.

  “I can’t accept this.” Jake offered the box back.

  “You don’t like it?” Louis couldn’t hide his disappointment. He was sure it would be exa
ctly to Jake’s taste.

  “Of course I do. It’s the most gorgeous gift anyone has ever given me.”

  “So, why—”

  “Because this is too much. Way, way too much.”

  “But the battery died in your watch. You never got it replaced.”

  “I would have eventually.” Jake set the box down on the strip of mattress between them. “If you wanted to buy me a watch, a knockoff would have done.”